I remember trying to impress her and asking her to see a play. So many voices were going through my mind like, "she doesn't like you back, stop trying," or "why does she like the most boring plays?" or "ugh white girls!" But I think the thought that scared me the most was my disinterest in seeing any theater in LA. There's a charming Valentine's card that says "I would drive through the 101 to the 10 to the 405 for you," but I wanted to give her was a card that said, "I'd watch a play for you." There was no denying it, I lost my love for theater and wanted to break up.
They said it would be hard to pursue a career in theater after college, but I didn't realize it would be so hard and so horrible that I'd completely lose interest in it. All through college and even towards graduation I wanted to have my own theater company and be its Artistic Director. However, after being disheartened by the theater in LA, its low turnouts, I hit my limit and stopped writing plays. In the risk of sounding completely pompous, I think I kick-ass and have done pretty well in producing my own work. I even have my own production company where we produce plays. It's just now, there's no inspiration for me to write these plays and these stories.
I started questioning things after I spent money I didn't have, cried over rehearsals, sweat through trying to get people to show up--and barely made profit. Again, it hasn't all been bad, but even high quality theater in LA can be terrible and disheartening.
The other day as I was going through my things, organizing my life. I was able to look through all my media files and saw a lot of footage from plays I did in the last seven years. One of them being, "Real Love," which was written for the 2013 New Works Festival at LMU. It was about two brothers, Sean and Cody, who were fighting over their mother's engagement ring while trying to define their definition of "real love." Cody was the more stable, successful brother, while Sean struggled with self-confidence, and social skills. Sean was romantically linked to three different girlfriends, all of which were sex dolls. We also get an angle on the sex dolls as they come to life and try to figure out what love means while living in a world where they're just used for physical pleasure, but have no feelings.
It was such a fun idea that when I wrote it, it sort of just took off. It was my first comedy, dark comedy, but I think it really covered a lot and the execution of it all really came together. The audience enjoyed the show and I think the actors were so perfect for the roles the played; they all shined on stage. As a playwright/director/Filipina, it's hard for me to never worry and just enjoy a performance. I enjoyed this performance, hearing them say my lines, follow my directions, it really made my heart soar. They were telling my story for me and it made me so proud and thankful for them.
I guess this was the reminder I needed. It made me miss theater and I realized that I wanted more people to see these stories. I want to be able to show everyone that theater can be fun and it can be fun in LA. I'm not saying that I'm going to rally for theater, but I think I'm going to slowly share my memories and these stories. They were once able to not only make an impact on the audience who watched these shows, but also on the actors that were brave enough to take on their roles and be in my plays.
My wish is that someday, when I am more successful and financially stable, I'd be able to write more shows and invest more time in theater. Theater was always home and I know that my work today wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't for my roots. With all this said I'm going to be writing and posting my One Page Plays again, this time not every day, but at least once a week!
Until next time,
Mara De La Rosa
Honors English 1st period
4 November 2008
Overlooking the Valley
It was raining, and my life was falling apart. I was crying outside my house when Adriana walked by. She stopped and asked me what was wrong. At first I was hesitant, considering I didn't know her very well, but we ended up walking and talking for hours. She helped me feel better about my problems. We stopped walking as we reached the top of the hill. The wind blew softly and the view of the valley was amazing. All of a sudden, a feeling that I've never felt before swept over me as I gazed my eyes on Adriana. Adriana was looking straight into my eyes, and slowly we leaned towards each other. At that moment her cell phone rang and it was her mother urging her to hurry back home. Adriana, embarrassed by the moment, blushed and ran back home. After she left, I stood at that exact spot trying to understand what had just happened
We fell in love almost instantly. I didn't have time to think about anything, nor did Adriana, but I think that that's just the way love is. It is an unstoppable force that comes unexpectedly. We were twenty-two, and her brother Jack was getting married. Adriana was allowed to bring a friend to the wedding, so I came along. No one in her family knew about us. It was exhilarating to have that one secret with her, but also difficult, because I couldn't just kiss her or hold her hand whenever I wanted. The night before the wedding we waited until it was completely quiet before we start kissing in her bedroom. We didn't want to do more than kiss because we were afraid we would get caught. However, it was past midnight, and one thing led to another so we went for it. All of a sudden her brother, along with a few of his drunken friends busted the door open in an attempt to pull a prank on Adriana. Once he saw us, his eyes widened and snatched Adriana by the hair out of the bed. She screamed but Jack put his hands over her mouth, in order to keep quiet. They took Adriana out and locked me inside the room. I could not sleep, and all I could think about was what they were doing to her.
The following day I was prepared and managed to unlock the door. I kept calm and to my surprise I found the whole family happily eating breakfast outside. Everyone smiled at me, including Jack and his friends, but there was no sign of Adriana. When I asked where she was, everyone assured me not to worry and that she was getting ready for the wedding. I did not get a good feeling so I left and looked for her. Soon after I left I received a text message from her sister Brenda, telling me that I could find Adriana behind the kitchen in the boiler room. As I walked through the kitchen and opened the boiler room my heart broke. Adriana was in the corner crying and shaking from a beating she'd received. There were bruises all over her body and dry blood around her lips. I tried giving her a hug, but she went hysterical. I started to cry, because I felt so awful and furious at what had happened. Just then, her brother came, pulled me out of the room, and before I knew it, I was stranded five miles away. It's been two months and I have not heard from her. My heart is still broken, and I don't her to ever get hurt again...
A few days after my aunt wrote this journal, her body was found on a hill overlooking the valley of our town. Howe can the world be like this? So what if my aunt loved Adriana? So what if they were both women? Love like that is hard to find, and I don't think that it's fair for me to be standing here today, giving a eulogy to my loving aunt just because she wasn't allowed to love. Love is an unstoppable force, and whoever interferes with it is crude and heartless. A week after's death was published in the newspaper Adriana committed suicide. At least now, no one can stop them from loving each other.
I'm tired of feeling hopeless and uninspired. I keep thinking negative thoughts, and end with dramatically saying, "ugh, I hate my life," or "ugh, I wanna die." I keep pushing myself through the same process and it just keeps going and going and it's the worst. I don't wanna wake up and be tired and not do anything. I wanna believe in myself.
My therapist use to tell me to talk to the younger version of myself who's been through all the 'trauma,' that's made me who I am today. I forget about her all the time. I just cry and wail and not try. I keep thinking I'll fail my family and never get married, hell never go on a proper date.
I am confident that I am lovely. But I am also confident that I don't necessarily have the best time in meeting new people. Most people call me awkward, and on some days, even a loser.
I used to think that I wanted to have invisibility as a super power, but I don't need it because I am invisible. It's a power I wish I didn't have. It's terrible for the industry that I'm mean and it's hard because all I wanna do is tell stories, but that's so hard already. I'm hoping for miracles, Santa.
This year I'd like the following for Christmas, or for 2018
I know it seems like a long list, so eve if one (anything with money) will truly help.
I love you forever and always and hope and know that we will all be okay. In the end.
I am pretty, I am beautiful, and I am worth loving. I love you.
In the end.
I write, you read, we friends.